I’d been snooping around The Bold Italic a bit too much lately and decided that, having been in the city for over two and a half years now and purportedly a “local” myself, I needed to consider answers to their Found Locals questions. You know, just in case I run into somebody who knows somebody who thinks I’m kinda cool.
My profile might read, “ALI ROWE is lying on the floor pretending she’s levitating.” And I’d say that my favorite quintessential local character is the middle-aged Asian man who posted up on the street corner outside my Tendernob apartment for hours, nonchalantly puffing on a giant opium pipe. The guy was straight-up baller. I mean, he had the nerve to publicly partake in his drug of choice in full view of a main thoroughfare in a suspect neighborhood, and took his sweet time enjoying it too! May he live long, or at least blissfully.